It’s his ESPN fantasy draft, but Matthew Berry is obsessed…

“That Rebecca Black “Friday” video. It haunts me. Why does she have to get down to the bus stop to catch the bus if her friends are picking her up? How are they driving? They are 13. Why does she have to ride in the middle of the back seat — the least desirable of all seat assignments — if she is actually taking the time to consider where she should sit? And then at night, why are all the friends different? The morning kids are good enough to give her a ride to school, but not party with her? What’s that about? And why is she still singing about where to sit? She’s chosen a seat. Is she conflicted about her seat choice? And — as she sings — they’re going so fast, why isn’t she wearing a seat belt? What’s with the awkward friend with braces who sits next to her in the car and seems to move out of rhythm to the beat of the song? Why is she acknowledged in the song but the girl on the left isn’t? What’s wrong with her? And why aren’t they in any of the other scenes? Were they dropped off before the party? Do they no longer want to party party (yeah) party party (yeah)? Did she get confused and forget that Friday is before Saturday and after Thursday? Does anyone? Why the need to talk about the calendar in the song? Why is an adult in his mid-30s suddenly rapping to a 13-year-old girl? About driving and noticing her school bus, which she doesn’t even ride? They don’t look related, so why the interest in her? Does he have nothing better to do? He’s alone in his car. Is he lonely? Does he have no friends? Is his interest in Rebecca’s life because he has no friends or does he have no friends because they are weirded out by his interest in Rebecca’s life?

“When she sings “we we we so excited,” why the sudden use of incorrect grammar? Did she skip that day in English class because she was learning which days come after which days? Not to get all stick-in-the-mud, but where are the parents at the party? They are all 13 years old. There’s (correctly) no booze, so what do they do at this party? Besides have fun fun fun fun? And stand around watching her sing? And she’s standing in front of a tree raised up above her friends singing. How is she suddenly that much taller than them? Is there a stage in front of the tree in case someone at the party decided to sing outdoors? Do people sing at these parties all the time? Seriously. I need to discuss this with someone for two days straight. So. Many. Questions.”


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